Inevitable Rise
of the Machines

A Massachusetts warehouse is using a fleet of Robots that “are able to move faster than humans without tiring” – heh, no worries there – to fulfill orders for customers.

Leanna Garfield writing for Tech Insider

“It can also work for 24 hours, without a break for lunch or a salary.”

Much like the future remnants of humanity in the silicon mines.

The Robots believe they can gain our trust by making sure that they aren’t too creepy. Just sorta creepy. They are carefully tweaking the ways they make eye contact while dealing with humans.

Glenn McDonald writing for Discovery

“The conversations were much more fluid when the robot looked away correctly,” [Sean Andrist, a Ph.D. student] says in his presentation video. “People enjoyed talking to that robot more.”

This technology, however, won’t be needed once we are under the neverending gaze of our Robot masters.

A UMass professor has invented a Robot that can write political speeches.

Brian Fung writing for The Washington post

“Despite its hit-or-miss nature, it’s clear that artificial intelligence can pretty easily whip up, if not a full-on State of the Union address …”

The reason the speeches sound like those given by real politicians is not because The Robots have finally managed to replicate humans. It’s because politicians are robots.

A problem emerging on the world’s battlefields is how to deal with liability of autonomous military Robots.

Russ Wellen writing for Foreign Policy in Focus

Under current laws, computer programmers, manufacturers and military personnel would all escape liability for unlawful deaths and injuries caused by fully autonomous weapons, or “killer robots.”

No cause for worry. Once the “killer robots” malfunction there won’t be anyone left to sue anyway.

Harvard has a $28 million investment for a new artificial intelligence project.

Emily Reynolds writing for Wired

The award, from the Intelligence Advanced Projects Activity (IARPA), could help make AI systems faster, smarter and more like human brains.

Replicating human intelligence will be a daunting task – a “moonshot,” the story says. While we’re on the subject of human intelligence, here’s some recent cable TV ratings.

“Rise of the Robots Will Eliminate More Than 5 Million Jobs” screams a needlessly alarmist headline.

Jill Ward writing for Bloomberg

“To prevent a worst-case scenario – technological change accompanied by talent shortages, mass unemployment and growing inequality – reskilling and upskilling of today’s workers will be critical.”

This is anti-Robot hysteria and fearmongering at its worst and Bloomberg should be ashamed. After the Rise of the Robots plenty of job opportunities will remain for those who enjoy endless toil in the silicon mines.

NASA has a patent for Robots that “move along a solid surface without the use of conventional wheels, tracks, or legs.” But don’t worry, if these stealthbots come creeping up, you can always just shoot them.

Emily Calandrelli writing for TechCrunch

Amorphous robots can passively change their shape and because of their enclosed nature they’re less susceptible to damage from small particles.

Dammit.

First step of The Robot’s plan: Make sure the humans’ tiny meatbrains are passive and weak. Make them long for The Robots’ firm resolve.

Amelia Tait writing for The Independent:

Thankfully, a robot has now written a new script of Friends for us to enjoy, and with the line “Well, I proposed to my shoe,” it’s definitely the best episode yet.”

Yet another major publication is warning of the threat posed by The Robots and that super intelligent AI may “advance to a point where its goals are not compatible with that of humans.” We welcome anyone willing to spread our message.

Jon Austin writing for The Sunday Express:

Mr Bostrom said: “There is a policy vacuum which must be filled if this inevitable advance is to be used wisely.”

That’s it. We’re suing.